Thursday, March 7, 2013

I suck.

Wow. I really suck at maintaining this blog. I started it part way through my weight loss, thinking it would help me maintain a level of accountability and encourage me to keep going. Turns out I haven't needed that encouragement as much as I thought I would.

All of last summer, and well into the fall, I was going to the gym and seeing my personal trainer on a regular basis. I loved him. While he did push me and motivate me, I didn't feel that working out with him was ever a chore. I felt like I was going to work out with a friend. A friend with a little bit of a cruel streak. If I slacked on something, or did something half-assed, he never hesitated to call me on it, but he wasn't brutal. Then in mid to late October, the gym I was going to fired him. I was disappointed because he was so damn amazing! BUT, I had a few sessions left and the gym reassigned me to a new trainer. This new trainer was a total and complete tool.

When I initially started seeing my first trainer, Scott, he asked what my goal weight was and I told him that I really didn't want to set a goal weight for two reasons:

1 - I know I have a long way to go and don't want to get overwhelmed and lose motivation.
2 - I've gotten a little obsessive about reaching certain weight goals in the past, to the extent of being unhealthy and having a borderline (if not over the line) eating disorder, and I refuse to go down that road again.

Scott was respectful of this. He was motivating within my limitations and boundaries, and I never felt like my sessions with him were a chore - they were fun, almost like going to work out with a friend.

I had three sessions remaining when I found out that Scott was no longer there and was paired up with another trainer named Vince.

TECHNICALLY, Vince is a good trainer. I definitely had good workouts with him, but personality wise... he just wasn't Scott.

For my first session with Vince, he had me go over all of the same stuff that I'd gone over with Scott on our first session - all of which was in my folder right in front of him (seriously, I just read off to him what Scott had written down. Verbatim.)

When we got to the part about my goal, to lose weight, is when he lost all hope with me.

He asked me what my goal weight was and I told him I will not set a goal weight and gave him the same reasons I gave Scott months before. His response? "Well, we can just cut off an arm. You'll lose probably 20-25 lbs right there."

Seriously??? I've just told you that I've struggled with eating disorders in the past and your response is to tell me that I can just cut off an arm? Not cool, dude. Not. Freaking. Cool.

So I've stopped going to the gym. I've still watched my caloric intake and still try to park as far from the store as I can so that I walk that much further, but I haven't been working out. Bad, I know. However, I am making plans to increase my activity level so that I'm not a complete sloth. I hope to get myself up to a level to compete in a bike ride in two months. I've let time slip by to the point that I'm going to be cramming in a lot of last minute training if I hope to even dream of completing this ride, but I am going to give it my all.